Motivating the Motivation Within Us

Motivation is an intrinsic thing… an instinct. No outside force, however persuasive or commanding, can ever actually motivate anyone, because motivation is inborn. I discovered this in a parenting (un-parenting) program that I’m following these days, and it made me reflect on not just children but also adults. What motivates us? Is it other people? Money? Peer pressure? A promise of reward? A fear of punishment? What?? And the answer is very cliche- it is our own self.

Persons with alcoholic addiction do not take steps to cure their addiction, no matter how much people tell them, until they admit to themselves and are willing to do it. People with poor health don’t take steps towards better health just because their medical reports aren’t well. They do so because they want to. A person on the path of self-realisation does not pursue it just because he is being told to meditate, but because he wants to. I have numerous more examples, because I’ve been extensively thinking about this topic for the past couple of weeks, but I’ll move on to explore the counter arguments.

I used to think external motivation is an important factor in developing habits, and when habits stick the motivation is inborn. I’m sure most people believe so too. That’s why study groups are formed in schools and colleges, so that our friends studying for exams would motivate us to study too. My entire duration of school and college tells me that it is far from the truth. Let us explore why. During school days we would assemble every morning to recite prayers, sing the national anthem, do P.T., and someone would read out the morning news, etc. Not even a single child, I remember, was excited equally every day for the morning assembly. Some days we looked forward to it, but other days we just wanted to go to the class. We were all habitual of it of course, because we had to assemble straightaway in the assembly area after the morning bell. But was that motivation? Once puberty hit the morning assembly served the purpose of letting us “see” our crush. Again, was that a motivation or merely a ‘goal’, I wonder. I don’t deny that we would anyways attend it because life has rules, school has discipline, etc., but for the sake of this blog I’m merely exploring the idea of motivation.

Talking about goals, they differ from motivation in that motivation comes from within us, while goals help in igniting that motivation. Perhaps for long we have been confusing goals with motivation. Goals may change, or evolve, with time, but motivation is the “fire in the belly” which is not affected by external factors.

Take the example of a dog, or any animal, who is trained to perform activities to earn treats. The animal has no motivation nor any desire to perform, but when the cause and effect of performing and then getting a treat are clearly established the animal starts to perform and then expect a treat. The trainers believe it to be motivating the animal. But if you really think about it, it isn’t motivation but merely a give and take. Once the treats stop, so will the performance. Can we apply the same training principle on training kids for eating on time, studying, behaving properly in public, etc., by either rewarding the desired behaviour or punishing them for the undesirable behaviour? Once we take the reward or the punishment away would the kids continue what we “taught” them or would they “fall back” to their original habits? I know of this kid who got a treat every time he completed a page of school homework, till he was five years old. Eventually the parents wanted to take this treat away because they thought the kid would now finish his work anyways because he is older. But the kid didn’t do any work until he was promised a treat. So where is the motivation?

The real question in my mind is: Did the treats help in creating a joy of learning? If we know the answer then why are we not changing our technique? Why are we, since generations, trying to “entice” our kids towards good behaviour, when we know it will last only till the rewards last? Going back to my school-morning-assembly example, we used to perhaps attend the assembly because disobedience would earn us punishment or rebuke. Similarly a teenager wanting to attend the morning assembly merely for a glimpse of her/his crush isn’t motivation, but merely a reason to attend. Now imagine if the crush left the school, would the said teenager want to attend the assembly? Now coming to study groups, does it truly instil motivation in us to study or do we just study under peer-pressure?

So how and where do we find motivation? I have an aspect of my life which irks me the most: I cannot wake up early morning. So I have been racking my brains on this problem for many days now and find out how and where to find motivation to do it. Most people in their childhood are encouraged to wake up early in the morning, so as to make the process of school going, etc. convenient.  I have to admit that when you tune your body to the schedule of the sun it does work better. Also, now that I am a mother I attach even more importance to starting the day early. Fortunately or unfortunately all through my life my most productive and creative hours have been those that were spent when everyone around me would be sleeping, i.e. nocturnal hours. But to break that habit and set new healthier ways I’ve to go through some discomfort and inconvenience initially. Now I require a motivation for putting myself through those discomforts and inconveniences. At one time I had a job which required me to wake up at dawn, sometimes before, so that I could reach the office in time. I used to do that, not because anyone asked me to do it, nor because I was obligated to do so, but because of my interest in the work. It used to be a pleasure to start my day at dawn, preparing my lectures for the day with my cup of tea in hand. During school time also we had to wake up really early, but even back then I knew of no child who woke up early morning on holidays. But the same children would wake up, on their own without the assistance of an alarm clock, if they were told that they had to leave for a picnic in the morning. Now in my opinion THAT IS MOTIVATION. It is like an internal alarm clock, a part of our conscience perhaps.

Research tells us that humans have intelligence of various types, and that no two individuals may necessarily have same level or type of intelligence. We all have a conscience too, guiding us; and perhaps being the voice of our gut? I don’t know for sure what conscience is yet. I do understand, however, that every one has their own ‘brand’ of conscience, and no two people, however similar they may be in thought processes, feel the same thing in a situation, and an important factor there is the differing consciences. Take for example the treatment meted out to stray dogs these days. Unfortunately I’m not an ardent animal lover myself, but I don’t condone poisoning or killing stray dogs just because one doesn’t like them. I seem to be digressing here. 

The reason I brought up conscience is that lately I have felt that our conscience plays an important role in our motivation. There is something inside all of us that helps us be our best self. That ‘something’ is what makes us happy: the reason for our happiness. We are happier and more at peace in some particular way, and that way is different for everyone. I like to call it “food for soul”, and I believe that our food for soul differs from even our closest people.

Motivation is a direct result of our seeking that food for soul. What we seek for our soul, makes us motivated to go for it. Since the food for soul is different for everyone, our motivations differ too, and so do the ways to motivate ourselves. I’m not claiming that being dependent on external factors, like situations and people, is entirely wrong. But I certainly feel that external motivations are temporary and unless they instil an intrinsic motivation in us, they are merely a trigger for habits. Our goals of life, or sometimes just the goals of our day, govern how and why we are motivated. A good look into the goals of our lives tells us whether we are following our food for soul or have we mistaken the food for someone else’s soul as our own?

I close this blog with my last food for thought for parents: While reflecting on whether we are following our own heart or someone else’s, it would do good to introspect if we are imposing, unintentionally of course, our food for soul on our children, or are we letting them find out their own paths?